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Strained Fellowship

So lately Jason and I have been having some “strained fellowship”. Can anyone identify with that? Over the past couple of weeks we have been so over extended that we hardly have time to look at each other let alone have any knock down, drag outs because, well there just isn’t time.

But I knew it was coming….I could feel it stirring. It was just time to have a good one!

We went to see “fireproof” on Friday night. I was sitting there thinking, “I wonder if he saw that, awe, how sweet is that? Maybe if he tried the love dare we could be better.” Basically “all about me thoughts”. We talked on the way home about it but there was still unfinished business.

Then Sunday night we were able to hash it out. He talked about his issues with me for 3 minutes and 34 seconds and then it was my turn. I won’t say how long I talked cause frankly it’s just embarrassing, but I’m sure I covered everything all the way back to 1944. (seriously because I probably brought up something about his parents)

And I felt better. We kissed and made up and all is fine right?

Then Monday I came across a blog
Desiring to be Loved or Seeking to love…

The premise is simply am I seeking to love as much as I am needing to be loved?

Is that why I do things? So I can be loved? Ouch!

I wonder what would happen if I spent as much energy thinking about how I can love him, as I do worrying that he doesn’t love me correctly.

Maybe I need to take the Love Dare.

Does that mean that I can’t express needs? I certainly hope not, but if I spend more time thinking about his needs, I will be a more pleasant wife. Mostly a more pleasant everything.

If I do things to please people so they will love me I will slip into a black hole of misery. No one can love me perfectly all the time. So eventually I will be disappointed and then feel “unloved”.

I know this stuff right? Now I need to get busy!

What ideas do you have to make your guy feel loved? (no TMI answers please:))


7 responses »

  1. We are all guilty of being a bit self centered in the love department. I often find myself thinking about what MATT could do differently, instead of what I NEED to do differently.One thing I often try to do is leave him notes in different places. He travels a lot so often there is a note tucked in his suitcase somewhere. When he was teaching I tried to sneak into his classroom and leave a little note in his desk. Just a little reminder that I am thinking about him.If you get a chance, go to one of my past post called The Coffee Cup (I think that is what I called it). It would probably be in April or May sometime.Have a great day. I’m a little behind this week….I just commented today on your post for yesterday!!!

  2. OK…I just looked…it’s under July posts.Again, have a great day!

  3. I can relate to this post A LOT. Finding the balance in just about anything in family life is so hard, isn’t it? I can’t give good ideas because I pretty much stink at taking time for my husband these days. We’re slowly finding more time for each other, but it’s a struggle (plus he works out of town a lot of the time…tricky). But I think about this so much. The fact that I focus on MY needs so much more than his. I truly believe that if we BOTH really worked at putting the other person first it would make such a miraculous difference. Great post! πŸ˜‰

  4. Oh! And thank you for taking the time to answer my strength/weakness questions. I appreciate it!

  5. Hey we’re in the same boat on this one Rose. Like the other Heather that commented said…I stink at this too. The only thing I got is that I sometimes stop talking enough to actually let him tell me about his day. I even sometimes ask him about it. That’s it. Again I’m work in progress. Thanks for the advise/chat/encouragement today. I value our new friendship so much. You are easy to get to know, and easy to love.

  6. It is so nice to meet you…thanks for stopping by! I’m originally from IN too, so it’s always nice to meet new bloggy friends from that area. This post is really hitting home with me. My hubby and I have been under a lot of stress lately, and sometimes we take it out on each other. This is such a good reminder for me to be more intentional in seeking to love him as he needs to be loved. I’ll definitely be back to visit. πŸ™‚

  7. Hi! I enjoyed this entry you wrote, I linked to it from Jaime’s blog! I think anyone could relate to this problem. I know for me life gets so busy that it is so hard to take time for each other and little things start to creep in. One thing that works (when I do it πŸ™‚ is Love and Respect. It is a book we read a couple of years ago and it talks about how when we show our husbands respect they in turn show us love and it is a continuou cycle. That has helped me a lot. It is easy for me as well to think of what my husband should do better. One thing that God has really taught me is to not let so much of the little stuff get in the way. Thank you so much for your honesty and you have a beautiful family!


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